A heartfelt congratulations and welcome to Angelina and Brad’s newborn son and daughter – healthy fraternal twins! However, let’s not allow celebrity births to minimize the realities of raising twins…

What is not brought to light in these star-studded reports about twin births are the real life day-to-day emotional and physical hardships particular to raising twins. I know that many moms of twins have no forum or outlet to feel validated for their sacrifices and challenges.

So, to add a bit of balance, here’s my list of my top ten twin parenting challenges that impact moms who are raising twins:

1. Surviving an uncomfortable pregnancy filled with anxiety and fear times two
2. Deciding if you can withstand the social challenge and pressure to breastfeed two babies
3. Feeling guilty and heartsick about not feeling bonded in an equal way with both babies
4. Harboring murderous feelings toward your partner who got you into this mess in the first place
5. Secretly ruminating about how you can feel so upset and disappointed after you have spent thousands of dollars on infertility treatments
6. Silently envying how your friends who have just one baby can juggle their lives with such ease and meet a friend for lunch
7. Acknowledging that having preferences does not mean that you love one twin more than the other
8. Hating to ask others for help because you wish you could feel masterful and competent on your own
9. Wanting to kill the curious people who ask you the dumbest questions about twins
10. Managing the constant comparison and labeling of your twins by well-intentioned friends and family who are not into “individuality”

Of course, as usual, all feedback and comments are welcome! Am I on target or am I just way off base - have any of you mothers (or fathers) of twins ever felt any of the above?

To Raising Emotionally Healthy Twins,

Dr. Joan Friedman

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