My book Emotionally Healthy Twins: A New Philosophy for Parenting Two Unique Children was recently reviewed on a blog targeted to moms of multiples.
The principal reviewer shared her positive and negative reactions about what she had read. She asked for feedback regarding her comments and criticisms. It was astounding how quickly information was taken out of context. The reviewer remarked that she could not embrace some of my suggestions and ideas about providing separate opportunities for each twin. Nevertheless, she did feel that it was valuable to expand her awareness about the importance of alone time and be reminded that separate opportunities can enhance the twinship as well as strengthen the parent-child attachment. However, as more and more bloggers responded to some of the things that she did not embrace in the book, they defiantly and defensively vowed not to read a book with such absurd and nonsensical suggestions. Interestingly enough, each successive comment seemed to build upon the next. Swept up in this tsunami of criticism, I was accused of being “anti-twin” , anti-mom, psychologically scarred from my difficult twinship, out of touch with reality, and uninvolved with the raising of my own twin children.
The one blogger who responded with a balanced view about my ideas had heard me SPEAK about my book. Apparently, she did not view me as a freakish, opinionated anti-twin mom living in an alien culture. I believe that she listened to my views and ideas and thought about what I had to say. She exercised her capacity to stay open-minded and to entertain different ideas and viewpoints without feeling blamed, bad, or wrong. She and her husband tried some new behaviors with their twins based upon her expanded awareness, and they were pleased with the results .
I have no problems with disagreements or debates. What I do take issue with is an individual’s inability to keep an open mind when a controversial subject appears on a blog or in a book. Instead of it becoming a witch-hunt or a lynching, why not shed defensiveness and disdain and think about the issue for yourself? The tone of my book is not judgmental. I make it extraordinarily clear that these ideas have helped me raise my sons as well as counsel others. Most experienced psychotherapists are well aware that oftentimes it is not what you say but HOW you share a controversial thought or idea. Sadly, the tone of my message is lost and my ideas set adrift without context or meaning.
