Congrats Angelina & Brad - Celebrity Twin Births Blur the Burdens

Like you, I am very happy for the new twin parents…as I am for any new parents of twins!

While there are without doubt many challenges (and yes, some more daunting than others!) to carrying, delivering and raising twins, I can honestly say that if I viewed those challenges as genuinely “burdens” or perceived the twin-family life “realities” as negative (as you seem to intone a bit in the above, maybe I’m reading too much in…), than they would be!

Personally, all of those challenges (and again, some are more challenging than others!) are not so awful as to make the “reality” of life with twins something that merits dread and anxiety.

As a mother of twins (now 6), I have confronted in some context/to some degree the elements that have motivated the writing of each of your line items above; but really, think the list is WAAAAAAY too skewed negatively. With twins I really think not only is the glass half full, it’s FULLY full. The list above makes it not only feel half empty, but fully empty!

In my opinion, raising twins IS hard, but not a hardship.

I’ve felt at least 4 of those listed. Of course we are asked tons of dumb questions, which I try to keep an open mind about and graciously answering, because I didn’t know anything about twins until I had mine. But the thing that irks me the most is when the “gawkers” will completely ignore my singleton as if she were invisible.

Oh brother, did you get it right. Actually, you also forgot overwhelming exhaustion (I did breastfeed, which certainly contributed to the exhaustion), getting tag-teamed by growing newborns, feeling jealous of others who are able to focus on and actually satisfy and coddle just the one baby - the list goes on and on.

When people ask me what it was like to have twins, I struggled with something positive to say for a long time. Finally I settled on the following: “it’s exhausting to have twins, but it certainly looks like fun to be a twin.” I realize it isn’t all sunshine for them either, but the person who is asking doesn’t really want to know the real answer, they are looking to make pleasant conversation.

I love my twins, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I’m grateful that they are boy and girl, so that they will be compared less. I put them in different classes at school, and try to make sure that they get different teachers regardless. We also don’t overtly balance what they get: they are just too different (frankly, my son is mildly autistic and my daughter is not - so different approaches are critical). I deal with them entirely as separate people, because - my GOD, they are definitely different people. But they still take a very physical comfort in each other, even when they are angry and yelling how much they hate each other (for the record, we are not allowed to say “hate,” because it is hurtful, but we’re allowed to WANT to pound each other so long as we don’t actually pound each other).

They are siblings. Very different people. They have a third sibling that also gets into the mix. But when they enter a situation that worries them, I see the little hands flick out and grab onto each other for security. I’m glad of that.

I am merely 11 weeks pregnant with twins and I already relate to everything on that list! Thanks for validating those feelings and helping release the tears that have been bottling up about them.